It dawned on me! I keep saying that we need organizations like RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) in South Africa but I’m not doing anything about it.🤔
I cringe every time I have to remind my 7 year old niece to sit ‘properly’. She’s exposed to so much danger and doesn’t even know it. I know that rape and/or molestation doesn’t happen without a rapist/child molester, and I also know that boys are not parented properly. There is this ‘boys will be boys’ mentality, coupled with overly protective mothers with toxic ‘love’ for their boys and just a general lack of or misinformation about sexual assault.
We should be teaching boys not to rape but we are teaching girls to minimize their chances of being raped. We do this by monitoring how they dress, walk, talk and look at people…
There’s absolutely nothing a woman can do to avoid getting raped. Rapists can break into your home at night as they did here last year and there’s not a single thing you can do if you’re elderly, disabled, scared, unprepared… Regardless of who and how you are actually. People can rape you in a gated community with high fences and security guards, because it’s not just strangers who are rapists. It’s that boyfriend who buys you flowers and showers you with lavish gifts or that suitor who feels like your consent is just a fuss, he is ready to take what he wants because he has ‘paid for it’ through compliments and gifts. It’s that gardener you greet on your way to work because you think you are being polite and practicing Ubuntu, yet they interpret it as an invitation for sex. And then we wonder why some people are not affectionate, it’s because they do not ever want to send signals that can be misinterpreted as consent. Don’t expect a hug from me!
How can we teach boys about this when we don’t know enough about it ourselves?
I say this based on my personal experience with an attempted sexual assault. I was in Mpumalanga with 2 colleagues (male and female) and the wife of the male colleague. A man (truck driver, not that it matters what work they did) jumped into the swimming pool with the sole intention of grabbing me. I had been ignoring his advances, catcalling and verbal harassment for a while and he thought that by jumping into the pool, I was finally gonna give him attention 🤷 or he was gonna get it by force…
I hurried out of the pool and ran to the room, visibly shaken and the male travel companion (and spouse) thought it was the funniest thing they’d ever seen on earth. I had expected him to at least come to my defense.
He made sure to tell the whole office when we went back to work.
Now I ask you, if educated and religious people are clueless about this, what exactly are they teaching their sons?
I know so many women who have been sweet-talked & begged relentlessly and ended up giving in when they really didn’t want to engage in sexual intercourse with their boyfriends & others were told it’s payback for the date. Maybe those that take it by force aren’t simply trash but DO NOT KNOW THAT WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS WRONG simply because no one ever told them that it was wrong.
A former friend of mine once told me that in Shona culture, a woman HAS TO ACT LIKE SHE DOES NOT WANT IT AT FIRST otherwise she would be considered loose. This was someone who had a masters degree from Europe, who would often brag about having dated white women (a story for another day). What if they honestly and truly don’t want it?
I urge you please to watch TonyaTkoShow’s videos, especially this one: https://youtu.be/Pqh4ro71vR0
@tonyatkotv wrote this on Fb : “Let us not forget that coercion (unrelenting “persuasion” and/or manipulation) is sexual assault. (Accept her ‘no’ the first time!)
A woman who WANTS to do it, does not need a man to cajole, convince or coerce her into doing it. (But eroding a woman’s defenses and maneuvering himself in is some men’s whole sexual strategy) ” & in the video I screenshot for this post.