“Don’t bleed on the people who didn’t cut you” has been my motto for the longest time. Remember, hurt people hurt people. But we are not totally helpless, we have a choice and I always try to choose kindness over revenge and can only hope that other people do too.
So COVID-19 has me on a tailspin, I don’t deal well with grief. When my best friend lost her mom, I was so grief-stricken and paralyzed that I was unable to console and support her the way I wanted to.
Whilst I was dealing with that, I saw the person who raped me 9 years ago on TV and I fell into an even deeper emotional hole.
A few days after my God-mother passed on.
In the midst of all of this I find myself having these long chats with my ex, uTk. I realize that I did a lot of work on myself after our break up but he didn’t or hasn’t. He’s still in the same toxic mental space, which he disguises with charm and calmness. I now realize that he has been bleeding on unsuspecting girls and women from the time he got hurt by that crazy woman. Sometimes I wonder if she was that crazy to begin with.
I realize that I wasn’t the problem after all and I am proud of myself for the work that I have done to improve my life spiritually and mentally. At least it prompted my growth.
This sounds bad but I am not feeling so bad about my situation.
Konke kuyizithunywa zokusisiza kusisondeze kuThixo.