So my mom enjoys Moja love stories, I totally take after her. So she made a comment that went like “I don’t understand why women allow themselves to be used by men”. She went on to bash one of my brother’s baby mamas for allowing herself to be used by her son. I had to jump in and ask why the son concerned is not the one at fault for playing with girls’ feelings and bodies. Her response was “Everyone knows that men are liars!”
Was I not shook? Was I not triggered? So I asked her who exactly is supposed to tell girls about this very important fact about men, because NOBODY told me that ever in my life until now. Maybe (definitely) it’s the way I asked the question, she shut the conversation down.
my take home from this short and dare I say uncomfortable conversation was that:
- Men will continue to act irresponsibly with complete impunity
- Women will continue to blame each other for actions of men
- Nobody teaches boys how to behave properly but they are exempt from any and all responsibility
- Nobody teaches girls about boys but the expectation is for girl to know and avoid falling into the trap of being used and played by men/boys
This is disturbing. This has gone on for centuries and needs to change.
This is why Gender Based Violence is rife in our society but nobody knows how to tackle it. TV adverts and prayers will not help us if we do not confront the issues head on.
I want us to have these conversations with our mothers, fathers, brothers… It’s the only way we will effect a change in the mindsets of people who believe in “boys will be boys” and victim-shaming.