What happened to you| Part 1

I’m only on Chapter 4 of “What happened to you” & I feel like reflecting on a few people in my life.


Buhle, my baby girl. She is 11 years and 108 days old today. Yes, I count every day. The other day, she said she’d look after me in my old age. So in case you are wondering, I am sorted.

At every school that she has attended, she would tell them about her other mother who lives in Pretoria. Her teachers, friends and friends’ mothers knew I existed. Some met me at some of her recitals and graduation.

But even before she could speak, as early as 7 months, she knew that she was safe, loved and protected in my arms. She didn’t mind overnight visits without her mom. {Don’t get the wrong idea though, she adored her mommy, followed her everywhere, even to the ladies room from the time she could crawl.} As she grew older, she added spoilt and favored to the list.
I always have to think of things to say to explain to the others why she gets to go on some errands with me or watch videos on my black (not for kids) phone, etc.

[My relationship with Buhle reminds me of my relationship with khulu Manyova. That one was my day 1💞. May she rest in peace.]

In a similar way, a child who experiences the opposite of these, senses and knows not to trust the caregivers or figures of authority in his/her life, based on what the child has experienced, because young as they may be, children’s brains are functioning and able to form narratives that will guide how the children will interact with the world. I won’t bore you with the neuroscience behind it just yet.

Sr V, the sweetest religious you will ever find anywhere in the world!I remember how shocked Mama Octavia was when she saw me with Sr V, early last year. She warned that I would corrupt her. As if!This is one person who knows who she is and what she’s about. Other people’s opinions of her don’t matter. How she views the world is so pure and untainted and the world has no choice but to mirror her actions. I have seen her calm even people with road rage ngebhizi ya 16 December kuN3!She has this incredible way of letting go and carrying on as if nothing has happened. Very uncharacteristic of a umZulu. I am the total opposite in this respect. I have a bit of an ego, which she does not.

She’s very patient with people, even those that think they know it all and when they come back to ask for her help, with a smile she helps. The story of the little girl at the airport from the book I’m currently reading: #whathappenedtoyou reminded me of Sr V. My ever-smiling, sweet, generous, kind and caring friend.

I wish everyone could read this book. It’s incredible! I also wish to be more like Sr Victoria Sibisi, FCSCJ. I have got to learn to let things go and to not get so easily triggered. I must find my rhythm and figure out how to self-soothe.

My parting shot: Treat people well and remember that hurt people hurt people. Sometimes when we see aggressive behavior, we need not ask “what’s wrong with you? , but rather what happened to you? “.

This book resonates with me so much! I think my dearest friend Lizwi Mdolomba knows me better than some of the friends who have been in my life for the longest time. Probably because they met & befriended the inauthentic, people-pleasing or defiant me or even my know-it-all, out of touch dare I say arrogant former self. Thanks for the recommendation & for making it happen. My self help therapy sessions are going very well so far.
#whathappenedtoyou

Published by FabulousMeuJwara

I'm a dark-skinned black woman who loves life, fashion, food and books. I am a writer at heart. I am fat and fabulous. I enjoy traveling and exploring. I am creative and smart. Welcome to my world!

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