Daddy’s lap was my spot (much like Sheldon’s spot) permanently, until it wasn’t.I found the source of my abandonment issues. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when it hit me.
I was a last born for 6 years. Spoilt and entitled. Daddy’s little girl.I still remember how he’d listen to jazz, tap his feet with me on his lap, bouncing about.The year I started school, my little sister was born. I love her with all my heart and I thank God for the wonderful blessing that she is in my life and in the family. She’s the mother of my child.Suddenly I was told “usumdala manje”. I stopped being special and by the end of 3rd grade, I was a full time middle child but in my head, I expected last born treatment. This is probably why I preferred hanging out with Khulu Manyova, my ride or die. She made me feel special.
Anyway, back to the abandonment thing, now that I know the origin, I am at peace with it. I am fully aware of my tendency to be needy, and from now on I will consciously monitor and correct my problems without projecting them onto the next person.That said, I am still not taking “bare minimum effort” from a partner, I won’t burden him with my needs though.
I can’t believe that I am writing again! It feels awesome!!!