Closure| What a scam

A personal reflection by the

What if you were jilted and never got an explanation for your dumpation? What if the answers you seek are so obvious that when you decide to actually accept them, life becomes much lighter.

On my 24th birthday, my dad gave me some spending money and permission to go to town, no questions asked. I met with my then boyfriend at our usual spot at the beach and he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday, he broke up with me and refused to explain why. Being the overthinker that I am I drew up a list of possible reasons and with the help of my cousin {(his best friend)- after I was done being mad at him for continuing their friendship… yes I wanted my cousin to choose me} , I figured out why I was dumped.

I was also an unemployed graduate, in case some things are not making sense re: my financial situation and independence.

My ex never stopped flirting with me, even though I had repeatedly told him to stop with that nonsense. Apparently it’s a Zulu thing to forcibly flirt with people, even when they have registered their displeasure with it.

Unloving someone happens. You discover deal breakers along the way, they fail to live up to the Christian values you expect from them. I once refused to donate to a street beggar and I was deemed a bad Christian. I may have been unknowingly put on a very high pedestal.

I was faulted for being too direct with my questions regarding suspected infidelity. I lost points all the time, but I didn’t know I was in a points-based relationship. A lot of other stuff had happened that altered the way I thought and did things, especially after the attempted suicide. I think it all got a bit too much for the guy and that’s okay.

Sometimes you compromise your own values because relationships require some form of sacrifice right. So what happens when your sacrifice is not valued because the other person does not understand what you have sacrificed, to them it is normal life (business as usual). What if you’re required to compromise to the point of not knowing who you are and what you are doing anymore, to the point of feeling as though you don’t recognize yourself in your actions, meanwhile the other person is happy with the compromised life you are leading. Are you not betraying yourself in that relationship? What if you are not given the same grace when you are going through difficulties? I got to a point where I had to ask myself these questions and be frank with myself in answering them because the mjol was nyisaring me.

What if you keep up this facade only for the other person to find who they are truly compatible with, and the new person is allowed to be themselves and not expected to be perfect? The new person is allowed to show their emotions and raise their voice, in whatever way they want. The new person is allowed to make demands and get things done with zero complaints or compromising needed from their end. What if the new person is truly loved? Wouldn’t it make you feel like you were played? I was mad about it for a while and took it out on my cousin (my ex’s best friend) and his girlfriend (my former bestie & ex’s new woman’s sister). Letting go of this anger was so freeing. I felt so light when I finally forgave and let all the anger and bitterness go. I was so light, I could have flown like a kite.

Don’t be scared to be alone. Don’t wait for “the closure” conversation, it might never happen. It might only happen 16 years after the breakup, what then? So when I finally got the answers from the horses mouth, I was already over it.

This is to all women and girls hanging on for dear life in dead-end situationships because of fear of being alone, denial, peer pressure, *insert your reason *, etc. This is for those who are waiting on explanations and closure, just forget about it and live your best life mntase.

Published by FabulousMeuJwara

I'm a dark-skinned black woman who loves life, fashion, food and books. I am a writer at heart. I am fat and fabulous. I enjoy traveling and exploring. I am creative and smart. Welcome to my world!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: