What happened to you| Part 1

I’m only on Chapter 4 of “What happened to you” & I feel like reflecting on a few people in my life.


Buhle, my baby girl. She is 11 years and 108 days old today. Yes, I count every day. The other day, she said she’d look after me in my old age. So in case you are wondering, I am sorted.

At every school that she has attended, she would tell them about her other mother who lives in Pretoria. Her teachers, friends and friends’ mothers knew I existed. Some met me at some of her recitals and graduation.

But even before she could speak, as early as 7 months, she knew that she was safe, loved and protected in my arms. She didn’t mind overnight visits without her mom. {Don’t get the wrong idea though, she adored her mommy, followed her everywhere, even to the ladies room from the time she could crawl.} As she grew older, she added spoilt and favored to the list.
I always have to think of things to say to explain to the others why she gets to go on some errands with me or watch videos on my black (not for kids) phone, etc.

[My relationship with Buhle reminds me of my relationship with khulu Manyova. That one was my day 1💞. May she rest in peace.]

In a similar way, a child who experiences the opposite of these, senses and knows not to trust the caregivers or figures of authority in his/her life, based on what the child has experienced, because young as they may be, children’s brains are functioning and able to form narratives that will guide how the children will interact with the world. I won’t bore you with the neuroscience behind it just yet.

Sr V, the sweetest religious you will ever find anywhere in the world!I remember how shocked Mama Octavia was when she saw me with Sr V, early last year. She warned that I would corrupt her. As if!This is one person who knows who she is and what she’s about. Other people’s opinions of her don’t matter. How she views the world is so pure and untainted and the world has no choice but to mirror her actions. I have seen her calm even people with road rage ngebhizi ya 16 December kuN3!She has this incredible way of letting go and carrying on as if nothing has happened. Very uncharacteristic of a umZulu. I am the total opposite in this respect. I have a bit of an ego, which she does not.

She’s very patient with people, even those that think they know it all and when they come back to ask for her help, with a smile she helps. The story of the little girl at the airport from the book I’m currently reading: #whathappenedtoyou reminded me of Sr V. My ever-smiling, sweet, generous, kind and caring friend.

I wish everyone could read this book. It’s incredible! I also wish to be more like Sr Victoria Sibisi, FCSCJ. I have got to learn to let things go and to not get so easily triggered. I must find my rhythm and figure out how to self-soothe.

My parting shot: Treat people well and remember that hurt people hurt people. Sometimes when we see aggressive behavior, we need not ask “what’s wrong with you? , but rather what happened to you? “.

This book resonates with me so much! I think my dearest friend Lizwi Mdolomba knows me better than some of the friends who have been in my life for the longest time. Probably because they met & befriended the inauthentic, people-pleasing or defiant me or even my know-it-all, out of touch dare I say arrogant former self. Thanks for the recommendation & for making it happen. My self help therapy sessions are going very well so far.
#whathappenedtoyou

Body Politics| Apple shaped and plus size

Loving my body should not be an act of protest.

It triggered me deeply and got me thinking….🤔

Are we really a body positivity community or a ‘we only love fat bodies’ movement? Why should people have to explain and justify their journey to being healthier to us?

We have been saying that it is possible to love your body as it is, whilst you are in the process of making it healthier and encouraging each other to love our bodies regardless of how other people view it. We are worthy of love and care, fat or thin, yet our favorite plus size influecers are shedding pounds in secret for fear of being ostracized and excommunicated from our plus size, body positivity community.


Nobody should have to starve themselves to be stick thin and on the flip side, nobody should be forced into maintaining an unhealthy body, just so they could be accepted in the plus size community. I am in no way advocating for the diet culture and just so we are clear, eating disorders are real illnesses.

Fat politics, shapism, body positivity and weight loss…
Yesterday’s YouTube binge watching led me to a very distressing video by Stella Williams. She was sharing her struggles with the many disorders associated with being fat and she broke down when she was informing our community about having to lose weight for health reasons.

That said, the apple shaped section of the plus size community is still seen as less than, as not worthy. There’s countless memes to support this. I am heartbroken that women now feel like they have to take hormones and herbal remedies to help them attain the ‘desirable shape’.

‘Success’ is a certain body shape that has been deemed ideal by human beings.

#bopo#bodypositive#plussize#fat#pursuinghealth#effyourbodystandards#allbodiesaregoodbodies

#effyourbodystandards, if God wanted us to look the same He would have made us identical!

GBV| The shame of being violated and fear of being stigmatized

Feeling ashamed for being violated, confession time!

Our satellite dish is broken – thanks to this weather, so naturally we are listening to Ukhozi fm with Ma.

OSgqemeza had me triggered this morning and the lady (from Isolezwe) who was harassed at the taxi rank, reporting and speaking about her ordeal gave me courage.

Yvette told me that I didn’t need to talk about my situation, when I expressed my inability to unveil the many incidences of sexual harassment that I have endured, which are no doubt not unique to me, seing as south Africa is the world’s capital of sexual harassment.

This gave me temporary comfort. I say temporary because my chosen path is talking about things.

When I share about something, I get to release the pain and anger. Thus closing the chapter forever.

I used to stay at St Francis College when I started working for the Diocese and that short walk from the cottages to the bishop’s house was treacherous. I would be praying not to bump into a certain person who terrorized me, touched me inappropriately and tried to kiss me every chance he got, AGAINST MY WILL.

I was too embarrassed to speak out and report him. What haunts me is the thought that he might still be working there, around school girls. I wonder if my silence hasn’t caused other people to suffer, which I could have prevented by exposing him.

One of my former colleagues at the Diocese had been harassed whilst on a site visit with her supervisor and she reported the matter, resulting in her supervisor being fired. The sentiment around the office was that she didn’t like & had gotten rid of her boss. Painting her as a bad, vindictive person.

It’s for this reason that I found it extremely daunting and depressing to report Zamo to the bishop, after he forced his tongue into my mouth. My office was in an isolated place, away from the rest of the secretariat. I opted to keep my doors locked from that day onwards and to stop greeting people with a smile, because it was clearly being misinterpreted as flirting and an invitation for sexual harassment.

The stigma and distrust directed towards victims who report these perpetrators, especially in the absence of witnesses is enough to keep women and girls silent. The embarrassment we feel when someone defiles and dehumanizes us is enough to keep us silent.

The lack of confidentiality when these matters are handled doesn’t help the situation either.

When I stayed at Station Place, in Pretoria a lot of exciting development was taking place around town. {Station Square was built, meaning that I didn’t have to walk 2km to do my grocery shopping.}

Another exciting thing happened, Osbro opened on the same street as our flat and it became my hang-out spot on Saturdays. I would go isle to isle, combing the whole store for cookware, silverware, gifts for birthdays and weddings, you name it.

Window shopping at Osbro became my favorite passtime until some guy fondled my breasts in full view of EVERYONE and nobody came to my rescue. They simply passed by and minded their own business, inspite of my shouting and screaming.

I got a feeling that the staff were more interested in whether or not I broke any of their stock in my rage.
I never went back to that store again after the incident.
It worries me that we live in a country where harassment is not frowned upon. It has been so normalized that people think you’re throwing a tantrum when you defend yourself against a pervert.

How else can we get men to grasp the depth and seriousness of this situation? How can we get you guys to be our allies?
How can we make this country safe for women and girls?

#StopGBV#stopkillingwomen#stoprape#stopbeingtrash

Khandapondo tax vs Bhambatha and Ndoni kaMzoyi

The common narrative (+ the perspective of my cousin Nhlanhla) around Bhambatha’s rebellion reminds me of the stories my mother tells us about Ndoni KaMzoyi Khathi. Ndoni was a very colorful character in my mother’s childhood stories.

One of the stories that I find fascinating is his refusal to pay tax. In his words “mhla ngazthola ngiqhuzuka ngithola imali, ngiyoyikhokha ke intela”, this he would explain to anybody that the apartheid government would send to collect tax from him.

The idea that a person would

1. demand tax from you, out of the blue and take your cows as payment if you have no money.

2. use taxpayers’ money collected from natives to develop areas reserved only for people of European descent is more than absurd but down right evil.

It’s in response to this nonsense that Bhambatha had to revolt! He may have gone about it the wrong way but his heart was in the right place.

The taking away of assets (land and cattle) from the natives was no doubt to force them into slave labour. This is how we were forced to abandon our way of life. Our subsistence farming, hunter-gatherer and buttering systems were rendered null and void. But ke asiqhubekeni sizonde “abangaphandle” ngokusithathela amajobs ethu.

We fight over these jobs and hate fellow Africans for providing cheaper labor at ‘our expense’. I wish we could wake up, open our own enterprises and support each other instead of this ‘crabs in the bucket’ mentality.

That’s my 2 cents worth folks. Ciao!

AmaBishop Episode 12 Review

This is my review of AmaBishop Episode 12

Hello online friends.

Hheyi! #AmaBishop 

The Bishop Makamu episode showed us who these people really are. We saw flames🔥

Makamu fed us a half-baked story that makes no sense. He said that he had apologized to his wife and the girl’s family but then he did nothing wrong. He was asking for keys from the girl. This man thinks we were born yesterday. Why would you apologize for asking for ‘keys’.

Makhado and Nimrod kept on pressing him about the inconsistencies in his story vs the recording. He failed to answer their questions.

Maponga and Phiri were very quick to jump to his defense. Suspiciously so. I just wonder what stories we’ll one day hear about them🤔

The things they’ve always spoken against on this show were now all of a sudden okay and in fact biblically supported. Calling people “Papa” is now a good thing, according to Maponga and Phiri.

The girl’s father was then interviewed by Nimrod and his story makes a whole lot of sense. It’s straightforward and asidingi ruler.

People will still believe the pastor over the victim, because we think that they hold the key to heaven.

I wish they could bring Solomon and Sihle back to replace Phiri and Maponga. I no longer trust their input. They lost all credibility last night, especially when Maponga apologized on behalf of all the pastors who have mistreated people blah blah blah…
How do you apologize on behalf of people who don’t recognize that they have done wrong? People who do not feel any remorse for the horrible things that they do!

Hhai miss me with the BS

Ciao!

Cheeky Palate | Surprisingly great

Cheeky Palate: I almost missed out on this great show because I pre-judged it.

Been binge watching Cheeky Palate because of episode 6 from season 1.

It’s an interesting show, which I almost didn’t watch because I don’t care for Phat Joe at all.I am learning new things and some people have actually shocked me. If you want to preserve your innocence, then this show is not for you.Episode 5 reminded me of Mrs Sithole from Bhobhobho. She attended one of our HCBC training courses eMission centre and the things that she discovered there shocked her and made her cry. I still feel guilty that she lost her innocence at one of my training courses. She was in her late 60s by then. May she rest in peace.I am also learning about people’s real lives, e.g. The chef Lentswe Bhengu is from a polygamous family in KZN. I have always assumed that he was from Capetown 🤷🏾I like how polygamy has been so normalized in recent years. Bab’ Ndabe explained how the Mvelase’s came up with the concept and how it was matriarchal in its origin. It was an interesting and educational episode.The adoption episode reminded me of 2008 and how I wanted to adopt twin boys but it wasn’t to be. 2008 was a hard year for me emotionally. Mzawa made me snap out of it in a way that only she could get me to do it. That one can very easily gather me together aqede ukutetema.I wanna suggest this show to certain people. If you get a showmax link in your inbox, just know that you are one of the ‘certain people’.Ciao!

Religion and Ancestors

“Missionaries did a number on us!” I twitted something to this effect on sunday after watching #AmaBishop episode 11.

I am of the belief that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. I also believe that God is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. What I do not believe is that the entirety of God’s being is contained in a book written by human beings and used to subdue certain groups of people.

This is my creed y’all. You don’t have to agree with me or subscribe to it.

The whole concept of our culture and traditions being reduced to a religion is ubsurd to say the least.

I’m Meu Yethi Jwara, 3rd daughter kaTiyoni(kuMaMzobe) kaMlunjwa(kuMaNyuswa), kaMbidlane kaMgwabashe kaMdambiso on my paternal side kaMaMzobe kaMaDlungwane (noJoji kaDzani Mzobe) kaMaMbhele on my maternal side, just to confuse you.

This is who I am. The mitochondrial DNA in every cell, making up my body tells of this history. My being is not a religion.

The wisdom of my forefathers in medicine, agriculture, climatology and technology is not ungodly, nor is it inferior to western medicine, and technology. Both of which are not detailed in the Bible by the way.

We seem to have confused westernization with godliness. When the Catholic church in Southern Africa started talking about inculturation, I remember with such embarrassment how resistant, infact vehemently opposed I was to the idea that my ancestors were not demons.

Our indoctrination and subsequent internalization of the demonization of our ancestors, culture and traditions is deeply entrenched in our minds and embedded in our psyche. Let’s face this possibility that we might never fully be able to reconcile being both African and Christian. With the same breath, we have to concede that we may never become decolonized.

My two cents ends here for now. Have a productive week further. #decolonizeyourmind #decolonizeGod

#IAmMyAncestors

AmaBishop episode 10 Review| Pastors who are abusive in their own families

AmaBishop episode 10 Review| Pastors who are abusive in their own families

Hello online friends. Thank you for lending me your ears once more.

Guys, what’s an armor bearer? I ask this because it seemed like everybody on AmaBishop episode 10 knew what an armor bearer was.

Anyway, I said I was done with this show but today as I was minding my own business I came across the repeat and took it as a sign that I must watch and share with you all. So here it is:

The focus was on pastors who abuse their own families or rather wives who have been abused by their pastor-husbands.

The Ohlsons

Mrs Lisinda Ohlson was the first guest. She was with her husband’s brother, who hadn’t been in contact with her and the brother for over 10 years until his nephew posted about the disastrous marriage of his parents on Facebook. She spoke of the viagra, condoms, sex tapes with 5 members of the congregation, threats and how Bishop Theo Noble to whom her husband was a body guard refused to help her.

Phiri’s only contribution was that he knows and has worked with Theo Noble🙄.

The second guest, Nthabi Montsho-Mngoma highlighted the fact that abusive pastors are not only to be found in charismatic churches, but that mainline churches are not exempt. She and her children were beaten up by the pastor husband and father.

The Methodist pastor she was married to also slept around with Wesley guild ladies and impregnated some of them. The oppression from the women in the church who wouldn’t allow her to speak out about her situation made things worse for her and the ‘abantu bazothini’ complex aided by our repressive cultural norms and practices.

They cut her off just as the story was getting interesting, she decided to fight back, in her words: “I beat the hell out of him that day”.

The 3rd guest, Meisi broke my heart into a million little pieces and then Nimrod had to constantly remind us of the right of reply that all the “accused” have. This, because the alleged perpetrator is Bishop Zondo, whom they treated with kid gloves and failed to extract answers from a few episodes back.

She is Zondo’s niece and she narrated her story in so much detail and so vividly. It happened when she was only 7 years old but she remembers it as if it has just taken place. I don’t even want to retell it.

The family on the other hand felt like she created a mess by talking about her abuse, not the alleged perpetrator. #AmaBishop

Our Beloved Mntanenkosi| Purposeful and brave

The late Queen regent Mantfombi LaDlamini Zulu

Hamba kahle Ndlovukazi yesizwe. Imagine having to leave your own country and marry into a different culture, and lead people who speak a different language to you and possibly view life differently to you.

She was a brave girl!

She sacrificed her own life for the sake of our kingdoms. I know I wouldn’t have agreed to do it, had it been me. 250+ cows were paid in lobola. These came from the people she had to lead in her last days.Her marriage was necessary, not just to bear children of royal blood but to hold our hands as we go back to the roots we’d had to abandon due to colonization, Christianity and modernization.

Omama be Sphithiphithi are here to continue her legacy, hopefully whoever will ascend the throne, will continue with her women empowerment agenda and give these women the support they need.

Hamba kahle LaDlamini uyophumula, owakho umsebenzi uwufezile Hlubi.

Iba iso emantombazaneni nakomama ukwelamathongo. Uyalwazi usizi esibhekene nalo Make wetfu.

Wena wendlovu. Bayede!

When a leader dies

The Late King and Queen of the Zulu Nation as a young couple

 The other day my brother Mdu and I were talking about the chaos that follows the death of a leader.
Our father was a leader in his own right and didn’t require a title to do it. Even then, the people he worked closely with and trusted were the first to start with the chaos of scheming and greed.

Even beyond our nuclear family, when the leader of our clan Mr Mhlohleli Jwara (our great grandfather) passed on, the quiet succession battle claimed a few lives. Iscience yesiZulu (as our grade 10 isiZulu teacher would say) is real and very effective.

Not to bring up old wounds, but what is happening in the Zulu royal family is not new, not unique to the Zulus nor is it uncommon. The late King had to be moved to St Helena for his own safety and protection because of such.

I hope the memorial service will be televised. I am keen to read the faces of the alleged ‘killers’.
What is certain is that in the end the rightful person will end up being crowned.

Sengisika elijikayo nje, land thieves seem to have a lot of interest in the current state of Zulu royal affairs (based on the tweets I have come across). The idea that a monarchy, which existed before 6 April 1652 is somehow supposed to do things the European way because… (God knows what gives them the right to dictate 🤷🏾)