Umlomo uyadala| A Zulu proverb

Yebo umlomo uyadala!
Kuhle ukuphokophelela empumelelweni ngisho kunezinsongo empilweni yakho.

Ujoji akame kancane ngiyibeke kahle ngoMageba lendaba.

Akungathi ngoba umakhelwane esonga, ethi “izihlahla ziyokhula zigqibe izindlu” ube usuyayekelela kukhule ukhula ludlule uphahla lwendlu. Umuntu angacabanga ukuthi ukuthobela umthetho ukufezekisa izinsongo kepha kukusizaphi?

Umuntu okusongelayo usuke vele engakuthandi, engakufiseli impumelelo. Ukufezekisa izifiso zakhe ngokudedela impilo yakho ime nse akuzumenza akuthande, ungatholukuthi kuzomnika ugqozu lokuqhubekela phambili ngezinhloso zakhe ezimbi ngempilo yakho.

Iyezwakala lento engizama ukuyichaza?

Ngathi ngixoxa ukuthi ngifuna ukufaka amaCCTV camera egcekeni kwathiwa “bazokuzonda abantu, bafune nokukubulala”. Abantu abangafuni ukuvela kumasecurity camera vele abasuke beze ngokubi, benza okubi futhi bengifisela okubi. Ukungizonda nokufuna ukubulala yikho vele okubaletha isinyenyela emagcekeni akomunye umuzi.

Akekho umuntu ozokuthakathela ukuthi uphumelele ube nenhlanhla uthandeke… Ayikho futhi into ongayenza ukuyekisa umuntu ukuthakatha. Umthakathi uyilokho umthakathi akwenzayo.

Bhekisa konke kwakho kumdali wako konke. Uye ophezu konke nophethe konke. Bayekele bathakathe, bayekele bashwabule. Sukuma uphile eyakho impilo, ubheke eyakho inqubekela phambili. Ukuzihlukumeza ngokunaka abenzokubi nabafisa okubi empilweni yakho ukuzimoshela iskhathi.

Zikhulekele. Zikhuthaze. Zikhiphe kulengcindezi yokufuna ukulawula abathakathi. Beka impilo yakho phambili. Yekela izinja zikhonkothe, vele zikhonkotha imoto ehambayo.

Ibandla alithi Amen. 🙌

Sara Baartman lives and breathes in 2021| The era of “just for sex” girls.

What Saartjie was subjected to, centuries ago hasn’t stopped and by the looks of things, is far from even being considered wrong and inhumane in our society.

Just yesterday I was talking about seeing this woman I went to primary school with and how she hasn’t changed, even her walk is still the same. As I was busy explaining her soldiers-march-like walk, somebody volunteered information about her, to shame her I suppose. “She’s is every working man’s play thing when they are home for a visit and find themselves bored”, we were told. A long list of men, some of whom are blood relatives and friends were mentioned. They are very proud of having a woman’s body as a playground, so proud of this in fact that they brag about it to younger siblings and nephews. Why is this normal? Why is this acceptable?

Just two days ago in a taxi, coming home from town, two young girls seated behind me were casually talking about D appointments and how it’s far easier to negotiate protection and roughness if you’re a willing participant. My stomach couldn’t handle it. We have always thought that the high infection rate and prevalence among 15-24 year old girls and young women was because of sugar daddies and blessers. I suppose It is easier to put the responsibility solely on the girls and young women and let these men continue “being boys” huh!

I appeal to Social Scientists to explore a little before choosing research topics, just look around, observe patterns of behaviour and quietly listen to conversations without raising alarm , arguments or judgement when the key populations are having candid conversations. I bet my favourite pair of shoes that all these so-called “loose” girls in our communities, who proudly make D appointments and talk openly about these have been through a lot and this is a way of protecting themselves from being brutally attacked. If 90% of the women I interact regularly with have experienced sexual assault at least once in their lives, chances are a lot of men have committed sexual assault and worse, they see nothing wrong with it.

The nonchalant way that men discuss running a train on someone, packaging girls from night clubs and gigs, etc. is indicative of a bigger societal issue, which is the normalization of brutalizing women. How will we ever end GBV if men see nothing wrong with assaulting women? Where do we even start to address this?

So as I cried myself to sleep last night, my thoughts and prayers were for the present day Sarah Baartman and (in the words of uncle Keith Glass) for a permanent solution to be found. Surely God intended for us to be more than just tools for men’s sexual enjoyment and their punching bags.

“Ilwa ntombo”

“Fight girlie!” is the literal translation of this wildly used term. The priest at my mom’s funeral centred his homily around this term and gained fans among even the most stubborn non-believers in my family. When you say things that make sense in a creative way that only Fr S’milo Mngadi can master with ease, you gain a following.

Angikho ke lapho today.

Inspiration for my outdoor bathroom!

I discovered a snake not too far from the house, as I was trying to DIY an outdoor bathroom for when I am filthy from doing garden work or for when there’s a lot of visitors in need of the facility. Needless to say, I abandoned the project. See, I am scared of snakes, petrified in fact.

Both types of snakes actually, the types that slither on their bellies and those that walk on two legs. But none of them are higher or more powerful than God. They will try and hold you back with 1 little piece of paper because your stagnation is what makes their progress and successes even sweeter. I don’t know who needs to hear this today, no matter what has been planned and plotted, GOD IS IN CHARGE!

God makes a way, always! I went through a period of depression and loud cries just a few days after my mom’s funeral because I felt like the mountain I was climbing was insurmountable and some people were hellbent on making it even harder than necessary. God came through for me in unexpected ways. It’s as if He’s saying “My way is better, trust me”. Lord you are wonderful!

I pray healing upon those whose hearts have hardened, for the selfish and for those who cannot stomach another person’s ambitious and bold steps. May you never see another person’s successful life as a reflection of your own failures.
May we never grow weary and tired of extending our hands where and when we can.

God bless you and may your blessings flow straight to you, no matter how much they try to block them. Always remember that some people operate from a place of hurt and fear. Some people are competitive by nature and will do all they can to block your attempts at bettering your life. Hold no grudges against such people, just pray for their healing.

P.S. Keep that piece of paper sis and watch God’s hand at play in my life! None is greater than God.

The Flight Attendant | A very personal review

Watching The Flight Attendant at night is really testing my capacity to overcome certain fears. I hate gruesome scenes with a passion.

I find myself thinking of Kelly or rather Cassie as Penny (TBBT) 😂. I also find validation, oddly enough in the way she and Davey (her brother) remember their childhood totally differently. I have often faced criticism regarding how I remember my childhood, simply because other people experienced their childhood differently to mine in the same household, community, school, church… Both experiences are valid.
The filter with which we view what has happened to us is shaped by how we are wired and how we were molded by circumstances as we got acclimated into this world. I hope this makes sense.

I used to think I was a good person with a kind heart, until people told me that I have a messianic complex and a High D personality. I was shocked once when I thought I was helping someone but they felt that I was making them my charity case😳.

So when she remembers why she wanted to become a flight attendant (which she thought was to save lives), a different perspective is that she is drawn to and revels in chaos and destruction.

I guess, at the end of the day, we live our lives in a way that settles our consciences. Whether we lie to ourselves or we are just oblivious to what lies beneath the surface is a mystery that might never be solved.

This series kinda feels like watching someone’s JOHARI window exercise in moving pictures. The hidden self is always surprising to discover. May we be open to discovering more about ourselves and be kind and gracious enough to not judge ourselves harshly.

Good Morning friends, enjoy the rest of your week. Be productive. Be open to listening. Take care. 👍

The Human Side of Minister Lindiwe Sisulu| #PhoenixMassacre

This is by no means a blue ticking of the wonderful work and powerful voice of EFF’s Mam’Khawula. I praised her on Twitter, in case you wish to call me out. The purpose of this post is to reflect on this article:

If Lindiwe Sisulu doesn’t survive the looming cabinet reshuffle, I won’t be surprised. 👆this will be the reason.

Whether this is politicking or her showing up for the people in need, I really don’t care. Reading the article introduced me to a human being, who is able to put herself in somebody else’s shoes and be brave about it. I salute her.

If the ANCWL were a credible, living, thinking body, they should have pushed for a female deputy president, since former AU head NDZ’s proximity to JZ disqualified her as a presidential candidate despite her education, proven track record as a leader and struggle credentials but asikho lapho.

“Barbie doll” as she’s famously known has set herself apart by doing this, regardless of the intentions behind her actions. If she has presidential aspirations, I would actually back her based on this gesture alone.

This is what the government (or at least the ANC) ought to have done have done from the beginning.

CR should learn from this beautiful woman how to interact with people and how to make people feel comforted, seen and heard in their time of grief.

May we all grow the bravery of Mama Madikizela-Mandela and emulate her in supporting the persecuted and downtrodden as Sisulu is doing. May we also have the fierceness to embrace our delicate femininity and get dolled up if we want, just like our “Barbie doll”. Happy women’s month!

#PhoenixMassacre was a crime and #RaceWar. It should not be blue ticked. #ethnicmobilization happened when SAPS-guarded ammunition grew legs and found its way to Phoenix without a trace to be used to massacre black people.

Vuka darkie!!!! Racists don’t care if yoi are Venda, Shona or Xhosa, it matters not. Your blackness is what they despise.

About Life with Kelly season 2 episode 12| I need more episodes!

Life with Kelly season 2 episode 12 left me feeling like I need more episodes! Thanks @KellyKhumaloza for opening up your life to us.

These therapy sessions with Kelly and her mom are very useful for me. I observed that the mom is actually scarred from her traumatic childhood and she is holding on to it for dear life. Perhaps she’ll never heal from it.

Kelly is also carrying scars but trying to break this cycle of dysfunction with her kids. I pray and hope that she succeeds.

I hope more black people will be interested in therapy and pursue it after watching this show. For most of us, we see the dysfunction and try to survive the traumas visited upon us but hold on to the victimhood and use it as an excuse to behave deplorably.

As much as we understand that our parents are /were unhealed and that there’s nothing we can do to change it, we should actively seek to become better parents and people. It’s a pity that ‘abantu bazothini’ only applies to behaviors involving outsiders and not the little things we do to break our children behind closed doors.

Nothing is more debilitating than reporting abuse to a parent and have them dismiss or even worse, laugh it off. I am not saying that parents should not have favorites but it would help if they could hold their favorites accountable once in a while. Especially when the less favoured child is being dragged through the mud and hurt.

My wish is for Kelly and Zandi to reconcile and for peace to prevail in their family and for all families to try and work together for the sake of progress. No one should have to be a doormat or a domineering figure, regardless of financial muscle. Egos are at the root of most family squabbles in my experience.

Side note @showmaxonline : Maqhawe Ngubane must please redo the subtitles for this episode. Haibo imhlola! Idioms can’t be directly translated, they lose meaning. “Doer/ perpetrator” would work better than “manufacturer”, “object” should be ‘victim’ instead. Use it, don’t use it. Hire me to do it🤷🏾

This was my two cents worth about previous episodes:

“Kelly’s personal and spiritual journey is packed full of lessons and her kids are the cutest things ever. Thango serves me Tanaka vibes. Tells it like it is, sweet and outspoken. Christian on the other hand is sly as a fox. He loves his mom & feels like she is enough by herself.
I wish he would grow up loving and caring for his mother, and not be dismissive like we see when boys grow up and change how they treat their mothers.”

“Life with Kelly Khumalo is my escape every Thursday. The latest episode focuses on Wanda Baloyi, who has been missing in action for the past episode and a half.

It broke me wide open, wept like a widow over it and over my failed friendships. I say failed because, this year I decided to intentionally repair my friendships and to be there for my friends in a way that I wished they would be for me. It’s a work in progress.

One dearest friend broke her leg and wasn’t able to come visit mommy and I as she used to, another lost her mother and almost died herself. Another almost lost her husband and survived covid herself. My twin forced me to reconcile with another, who let me know that she felt rejected by me the last time she visited me (unannounced I might add).

What remains is that I have dear friends with whom constant communication is not necessary but the love is there (e.g. Miss Luh) and we can pick up where we left off, anytime.
I have a friend who checks up on me regularly and I appreciate it @mnakilezwanedlamini and I love you for it.

I have and continue to evolve as a person and a spiritual being. I am acutely aware of my tendency to lean heavily on my friends sometimes, even though I don’t disclose everything that I go through. Suffering in silence has been a norm for me since early childhood, it’s my default setting.

Over the years I have learned that a problem shared is a problem halved.
In recent weeks I found myself mediating between an ex and his baby momma, it drained me emotionally. At first I was chuffed that they trusted me to help them but it was a lot🙆🏿
This made me think about how draining it must be for this particular ex of mine (best friendesque), who is always available whenever I need help. I am feeling a bit guilty about leaning heavily on him, but sometimes he is the only one who truly understands most of the situations that I find myself in.

🥂To friends and friendships. May we never give up on each other.
Thanks my friends, all of you for being in my life. All of you are special and mean the world to me.

The Big Brother I Always Took For Granted | Sbusiso Mthembu – the eulogy

Lala ngoxolo Mvelase

I can’t believe he’s gone. I keep hoping that it’s a mistake or that I am having a bad dream.

In 2018, waiting for my uber outside Khanya House in Pretoria Central, I heard someone yelling my nickname. When someone yells out your nickname, you know that it’s somebody that knows you from way back.

It was him in his fancy car, sticking his head out, looking all suited up and proper. I had to cancel my uber and let him drive me home as instructed. He grilled me for no reason nje, just being a big brother.

Had I known that I was seeing him for the last time, I would have listened more and talked less. I probably would have given him the phone numbers of the person he wanted to reconnect with. I should have told him how proud I was of him and his achievements.

I gave him such a hard time back at varsity, he was our RA at Malherbe Residence. He was no angel by any stretch of the imagination but I put it down to immaturity. Whether he ever outgrew it or not, is a question for another day.

He made it all the way to Director. Talk about starting from the bottom, and working your way up.

African child, it is attainable. He is from Ndwedwe, went to rural government schools. He managed to study at a previously white university just as we were gearing up for democracy. Experienced the common problems associated with the political transition, changing power dynamics and race relations.

He did his MBA at the same university, as he was climbing the corporate ladder. He was serious about self development and took no shortcuts to success.
I am so defeated right now.
Rest in Power Sbusiso Mthembu. Your great strides live on. 😭

What happened to you | My take on chapter 8 and 9 of Dr Perry and Oprah’s book.

A screenshot of the book ‘What happened to you’

I am continuing with the book ‘What happened to you’.
I am now halfway through chapter 9.

I had decided to pause when George Floyd and BLM were mentioned. For some reason, probably because I watched the video of George Floyd dying and it was my first time seeing a person die, I lose it when I think about that incident.

The Zuma arrest, accompanied by all the fan fair that followed took over my mental space, and the #PhoenixMassacre broke me down all over again. The anger and frustration forced me to get over my writer’s block.

Dr Perry is talking about racism, implicit bias, which impacted our traditional healing, connectedness and rhythm negatively. Shout if you would like me to elaborate on this point.

One could argue that 27 years into democracy these things should not be factors in our daily lives, but unfortunately they are. When the colonization project replaced uQamatha/ uMvelinqangi with a white, blonde Jesus and associated all things good with him, they tricked our brains into treating and percieving white people a certain way and in turn treat each other horribly, because even though we’re black, blackness is associated with bad, evil, barbaric and savagery acts.

I am convinced that we can clear the path for the next generation. We need to stop looking at our cultures, customs and traditions as outdated, ungodly, idolatry and seek a deeper understanding.

Let’s seek knowledge, understand and demystify our cultural practices, principles and rituals, so that we regain what we lost and reverse the colonization of our minds.

Ciao friends! ✌️

Abandonment Issues | understanding why I am so needy.

My childhood in a snap.

Daddy’s lap was my spot (much like Sheldon’s spot) permanently, until it wasn’t.I found the source of my abandonment issues. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when it hit me.

I was a last born for 6 years. Spoilt and entitled. Daddy’s little girl.I still remember how he’d listen to jazz, tap his feet with me on his lap, bouncing about.The year I started school, my little sister was born. I love her with all my heart and I thank God for the wonderful blessing that she is in my life and in the family. She’s the mother of my child.Suddenly I was told “usumdala manje”. I stopped being special and by the end of 3rd grade, I was a full time middle child but in my head, I expected last born treatment. This is probably why I preferred hanging out with Khulu Manyova, my ride or die. She made me feel special.

Anyway, back to the abandonment thing, now that I know the origin, I am at peace with it. I am fully aware of my tendency to be needy, and from now on I will consciously monitor and correct my problems without projecting them onto the next person.That said, I am still not taking “bare minimum effort” from a partner, I won’t burden him with my needs though.

I can’t believe that I am writing again! It feels awesome!!!

Goodnight friends.

Apartheid | a successful project

I dare anyone to tell me that apartheid wasn’t a successful project!
We have black people praising Pik Botha in 2021, right here in South Africa. Black people not giving a thought to the black lives that have been lost unnecessarily in the past week, just because they’re of a different tribe.
We have the nerve to joke about shack dwellers and accept the harassment of the poor by the army and police.
We have white and Indian vigilante groups masquerading as community policing forum members, when all they’re doing is keeping black people out of ‘their’ neighborhoods and shooting them like game animals. Their forefathers came into this continent carrying no piece of land.

If we don’t get that a system which is biased against us is not for us, then we’re bound to spend our lives trying to fit in, instead of building our own.
Just because nobody talks about how we lived before 1652, doesn’t mean that we didn’t have our own systems or that those systems were necessarily bad.

Living in harmony with nature, understanding the heavens and how they affect us, specializing in certain trades, preserving generational legacies, being self sustained and trading fairly among each other without greed polluting society.

We don’t have to go back to the way things were before those dreadful boats interrupted our way of life but we could build from the ground up our own economy and our own industries, instead of going hat in hand, begging for jobs with our (NFSAS owing) qualifications and getting into debt with our LV, Red Bottoms, Town house, German car lifestyles just so we could show people that we have made it.
Not everyone is an innovator, but guess what, you could partner with one. We have way too many economists, accountants, lawyers, etc. for us to still be employees. If we’re competent at our jobs, what’s going to change when we have our own businesses?

As we rebuild SA, let us be cognizant of the fact that black people are still poor and suffering out there. Regardless of our privileged positions, we cannot advance alone. Let’s reach out and pull others up and stop the tear her down nonsense.

Shalom ✌️